Have you ever had one of those gut wrenching feelings where you are apprehensive about something. You don’t really know what that “something” is, but nothing feels quite right. I sat at home yesterday, completely worried about “something”. I couldn’t figure it out. I only found comfort in knowing my kids and husband where home safe with me, but that feeling something bad was going to happen sucked the life right out of me. I sat with my stomach in knots and nauseous, my face felt slightly numb and my body grew weak. I tried hard to understand what it all meant, was I having a panic attack? I can remember this happening once before, as I was driving home from my mother’s a few years back. I was so freaked I called her from my cell phone and just kept talking to her because I thought I was going to be in some sort of accident or worse. All was well and we made it home safely, but the uncomfortable feeling I had was something I didn’t want to experience again.
I got to thinking last night that if something did happen to me, what would my husband do? And not how would life go on, although I’m positive he could figure it out. I just can’t imagine how he would handle life as a single dad of a 1, 3 and 11 year old. I imagined him and my kids having to live without me. And it only made me more anxious and sad that I would miss out on my babies growing up. I’m thirty-one and although we all want to grow old and live forever, I know how short life can be. I woke up this morning vowing to myself that I would do everything I could to leave a lasting impression on my children and live in the moment. That whole life’s short motto, has hit me hard. I want to live life to the fullest and focus on the precious time I have been given.
I want my kids to know, feel and see how much I love and appreciate them. I want them to be respectful and live life. I want them to know whatever life hands us we will make the most of it, good or bad.