I was sitting home this evening cuddling my three year old on the couch, staring at crumbs under our dining room table. Scanning the living room and noticing all of the “out of place” stuff. An oven mitt Dom was playing with this morning, a box of legos Brody left tossed beside the couch, a sippy cup on it’s side…
I had just finished working and my three year old requested I sit with him. These moments pass me by to many times. The moments I wish time would slow down, or I would slow down. The moments I didn’t put him off because work, an event, or a dirty home was in the way.
I ignored the disaster that stared back at me and spent the next twenty minutes cuddling my baby. I have been plagued with the guilt of taking on to many things and putting my priorities lower on the totem pole. When my husband and I made the decision to add to our family, I had a plan of how available we would be for our children. I fell into working again without realizing what I would give up. I kinda thought, I would be able to handle it all. Somehow I found myself working from home, juggling being a stay-at-home-mom, and homeschooling. It has taken it’s toll on me trying to get everything done. So much of a toll that, I find myself stressed and unable to sleep without thinking of the millions of thing I didn’t get done.
My evening ended with my own melt down and then a reality check moment. I need to learn to say no to somethings, in order to make room for the important things. Cutting back isn’t going to be easy, but I realize that being a mom first is what makes me happiest. The stress of juggling deadlines, events, volunteering, is all secondary. Time with my family, is time well spent.