Led to the water | Why I chose To Be Baptized As An Adult

I was led to the water. I made a big life decision to be baptized again. The first time I was baptized I was a baby. I’m certain my parents baptized me because that’s what catholics do. When I was probably around 10, my grandmother asked her pastor to baptize me at her church and he did. Neither of those baptisms were a decision I made for myself. Not that I would have questioned them, but they had zero meaning to me.

Growing up I’ve always looked for spiritual growth. A catholic girl, who didn’t know what I stood for or with. We weren’t regular church goers, but I wanted to love Jesus, I just didn’t know how to. As a young adult I felt disconnected to my faith in so many ways. I’m an emotional and anxiety filled person and I always felt that I had already made way too many bad life choices for God to ever love me the way he loved others. I couldn’t wrap myself around the idea of this higher power believing in me or forgiving me for my sins.

I started to focus on what I could do personally to be a better version of myself and maybe one day he would see the good in me. I found myself physically consumed with religion and those incredibly hard and complicated conversations about life, race, abortion, science…

I realize that in my beliefs (and lack there of), worries, and anxiety he has never left my side! This is very hard for me to unpack. I have had to take a close look at what the bible says about these subjects and  even though my heart just can’t agree on all of it I am still a believer. 

There is a way to raise my babies in this world alongside my savior. My unbelief in some things doesn’t mean I am not saved by the blood of Jesus. I am a child of God who believes that God’s love is bigger and in a world filled with suffering, my compassion, and faith will continue to grow. God’s faithfulness is here.

At forty years old I was led to the water. Being baptized on my own accord felt completely right. I talked with my family about my decision to be baptized and to my excitement my 12 and 10 year old also felt it was their time. I emailed our pastors wife and the next thing I knew we were sitting in her office talking about those decisions. What it meant for each of us and if it was the right time for us individually.

It was, it is, and I am excited to say that all three of us were baptized together.

I refuse to live in a hate filled world. My respect and love for people, their choices, their struggles, to me means that no matter what my choices are I choose love, I choose compassion, and I also choose Jesus.